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Love-In

In my green city, I am finding love note graffiti chalk-scrawled across sidewalks: “We have grown enormous just by knowing each other.”       “I am simply happy that you exist.”    And my friend Russell came across a utility pole with a flyer reading “Take a Wish,” with those little tear-away tabs on the bottom that read “Granted.” And more and more people are smiling in the streets, and talking about the spirituality of love and listening, and making art about it.  And this is evidence,  for me, of the global awakening. Don’t you feel the quicksilver slide of energy shifting around you? Within you? I do.

I try to carry joy like water into my encounters, because we’re all so thirsty. And we need to raise the cup to each others’ lips. I heard this story once about the difference between “Heaven” and “Hell.”

So the story takes place in a large banquet hall, where a massive table is stacked high with the most mouth-watering, scrumptious food you can imagine. People are arranged around the table, and the only utensils they are given with which to eat this lovely food are gigantic chopsticks. Chopsticks like roof beams. Huge, unwieldy things. So in Hell, each person is scrambling to maneuver these things around the table, the platters of food, the yummy entrees–but they just end up knocking each other over, smashing the dishes, and cannot for the life of them steer those chopsticks into their own mouths.

And now for Heaven: Rewind the tape. Everyone is finding their place around the table, making eye contact, delight playing across their faces at the prospect of the feast they are about to enjoy. And when given their enormous chopsticks, they discover that they are the perfect length of the table, the perfect length to reach from where they sit to where the person across the table sits. The perfect length to feed each other. And they do.

Take heart, my beloved community! Transformation is stirring. It really is!

There’s this massive sorrow and horror at things transpiring: the Gulf oil spill, the wars, Arizona racism, the Tea Party, violence against women in its epidemic proportions–and denying that or shoving it aside or stuffing it deep deep down will cause my wounds to fester. These things are my wounds. We are all wounded because We Are All One. And so I remain aware, and I have moments of silence, and I’m learning how to Forgive. And to cleanse my wounds with the water of love. To heal with love. And to turn my cheek toward you, to soak up your radiance, and to hold high the Chalice of kindness, to offer it as a Vision, and to drink in the visions of all the healers around me.

The healers in the streets with their chalk.

The healers on the stage with their poetry.

The healers stapling granted wishes onto utility poles.

The healers who meditate, raising the  vibration level on the planet, for all of us.

The healers who revel in their bodies and worship at the altar of desire.

The healers who read holy books and translate them into knowable heart-food.

The healers who Listen.

The healers who are Just Being.

The healers like you.

I love you.

Thank you.

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the Yes

Dearest Yes,

I call you to me. To open my days into a forever of possibility and hope and affirmation. Show me my essence. Help me with the knowing of Love as the only reality.

Ego: ACTION!

Good morning, healing earth! Good morning, healing Shae!

Oh my ego got so hooked last night! I was watching it operate and even though it had me by the scruff of the neck for awhile, I was fascinated by watching it in action. How it will search frantically for any crevice, any toehold, to maintain its dominion. And it’s so convincing! Telling me terrible things about how my girlfriend doesn’t love me, doesn’t care about me (which at bottom is really my ego staking its claim that I am straight-up unlovable and unworthy).

I hereby banish shame! I hereby invoke Love!

Love, I offer myself to you. Love, I offer you to myself.

I came home all worn-out and picked a fight with her. My ego’s last stand. My ego/addict’s last stand. And my girlfriend  was so conscious! So present and calm and loving. Beautifully modeling the way! So amazing. Such growth. Thanks for showing me! The other thing is that I got a chance to experience the other side of the coin. Thank you, Goddess! Great Mother! Thank you for your presence last night. Thanks for the gift of perception and perspective. In the past, all those fights with my girlfriend where I would be staying calm and staying present, and it seemed to trigger her even more, birthing brighter and louder explosions. Last night, I found out why. The ego got mad because it didn’t have any playmates! My girlfriend  wouldn’t play the game. And my ego translated that as her not caring about me–or at least that’s what it told me. I saw that her response is how I gauge whether she cares about me.  I was infuriated by her poise, and my mind convinced me that she was talking down to me, that she thought she was better than me, above the fray. I wanted her IN the fray!!! And the thoughts I was having around that (thank the Goddess I didn’t give any of it voice) sounded exactly like what my girlfriend would say in previous altercations. It was incredible! Like I was directly having her experience. Why?? So I could understand! To tilt me toward an expanding capacity for compassion! To know my own humanity. And hers. I love her. I love me. We are connected and in love and we are going to be together for a very long time. And she was so inspiring last night. Thanks for reminding me, baby.

At one point during this whole thing, I got mad and stormed off to the living room, taking my pillow. When she didn’t follow me and either respond with belligerence and rage or beg me to come back to bed, my heart seized up. And a further observation: I became enraged because I didn’t have control over the situation. This is how my ego tries to control and manipulate–like when she left the house  to cool off and I left right afterwards  because I wanted her to come home and find me gone–so she’d call me back to her, so I’d be holding the cards.

I surrender.

I am truly grateful for this Clarity! And I don’t feel anger or judgement toward myself–or guilt, or shame. Just awareness. These outmoded survival skills are not malicious, not a mark of my fucked-up-ness, just ineffective. I am letting go of what doesn’t serve me. I am loving me.

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Poet and Tarot Reader, specializing in Water Cartography
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